A Martyr No More

Our twenty four year old son was visiting during the summer and we planned to spend the day at the lake tubing and water skiing. He needed to finish up a test for his MBA class, so we agreed to meet later at the YMCA dock. After finishing his test, he called on the way there to confirm the meeting spot. He told us he’d leave his phone in his car so it wouldn’t get wet as he swam out to meet us. We went to meet him and he wasn’t there. After waiting 15 minutes, our sixteen year old son went to go look for him and couldn’t find him. Their dad (my ex) was angry. He kept disparaging our twenty four year old to everyone else on the boat.

We started to leave just as our son came running barefoot across the rocky lake edge trying to get to us as quickly as he could. Their dad saw him. We all exclaimed, “There he is!” But their dad refused to wait any longer and he drove away while our son watched and kept running. I asked their dad to go back for him and he refused.
He made the kids take a ride on the tube before we finally went back. Our son started swimming to us. His dad yelled at him repeatedly and honked the boat horn and made a big scene because he was worried about the car key. (It was fine. It’s not a fancy key.) Our son couldn’t hear him. They had agreed he’d bring the car key. Then suddenly, his dad decides that’s a terrible idea and treats him like he’s an idiot for bringing it. Our son finally got on boat. His dad kept berating him. His tone toward him is dripping with contempt. Our son is meek. He said, “I didn’t hear those instructions.” His dad said, “Yes you did. It’s called following directions 101.”
Our son was crushed. He apologized to his dad all day, but his dad wouldn’t acknowledge it. He’d barely talk to him. Our son talked about it all day and apologized multiple times. Everyone was on edge. The younger kids were grateful to get out on the tube together where no one could hear them talk so they could get away from the icy tension on the boat. It was awful.